Sometimes dirty talk can go overboard. I’m not talking about those times when you say things that make you blush the next day when you think about them. I’m not even talking about those times your lover starts laughing in the middle of making love because the words that came out of your mouth were so silly. What I’m talking about are those rather serious times when you say something in the heat of passion, only to find that your lover doesn’t appreciate hearing it.
Talking dirty is all about communication, so if you’re talking naughty to your partner on a regular basis, that’s good! It means you are both talking about what you want and need in bed. You might think you have talked about absolutely everything, but what if you suddenly discover you haven’t?
A good friend of mine once went over the line with her dirty talk. Her husband wasn’t into the idea of anyone else in bed with them, but my friend loved the idea. In the heat of passion, she looked down at her husband and said, “I’m going to invite another woman to watch you get off.”
Pretty tame for a fantasy, perhaps? But her husband immediately withdrew from her, not only physically, but emotionally as well. She had crossed a line that he didn’t like, and things were rather icy from his side of the bed for a few nights.
Two things went wrong here. First, the communication wasn’t clear. Her husband had said that he wasn’t into that particular fantasy, but he hadn’t asked her not to use it during their time in bed together. Perhaps she should have known better, but in the heat of passion, do you really think about what you’re saying? If the sex is really good, you might not even remember what you said!
The second thing that went wrong was the crossing of a boundary. Trust is very important in a sexual relationship, and that trust extends to dirty talk. She had said something that made him uncomfortable, and to him, she had crossed a big boundary.
The best way to make sure this doesn’t happen to you is to be open about everything – including the things you don’t want! It’s often easy to tell a partner what you do want from sex, but it’s sometimes very difficult to name off the things that you don’t like. It’s important to do it! Once your partner knows your boundaries, then it’s their responsibility not to overstep those lines.
My friend and her husband worked things out, but they learned a good lesson. Communication is always key to dirty talk – and if you go overboard, it’s a sign that you need to talk a bit more before you dip into those naughty words again!
Always talk to your partner. It’s the best way to make sure your time in the bedroom – and out of it – stays as happy as possible.