It seems that some men will try anything to avoid wearing a condom. If you find that during the heat of the moment your lover simply refuses to “get it on” as it were, then combat his excuse with our smart guide to “no condom” comebacks. After all, if having to don a plastic sheath is enough to stop him sleeping with you then hes really not worth it. These ready-made excuses ensure that you play safe, and hopefully eliminate the need for an STD test.
“But Im too big for condoms”
Its amazing how many men are convinced that they are just too big for condoms, and if your partner uses this tacky excuse it can be difficult to know how to respond. A roll of the eyes and “are you sure” wont do any favours for the fragile male ego. The best response in this situation would be to recommend an alternative make and brand. Your local STD test clinic will be able to provide you with a selection of different makes and brands and by experimenting with these youre bound to find the perfect match.
“I had an STD test recently and Im clean”
If you dont know your partner very well that it can be hard to tell whether or not hes lying with this excuse. You dont want to insult him by calling him a liar so in this situation the best response would be: “Thats great news. Im afraid that I havent had an STD test before and so if you wear a condom youll be protecting the both of us”.
“I get embarrassed buying condoms”
A smart response would be “youd be even more embarrassed if you had to undergo an STD test”. However, in the unusual circumstance that youve actually met a partner who isnt man enough to go into a supermarket and place a 12-pack of condoms in his shopping trolley then hes likely to run for the hills with a retort like that. A more sensitive approach would be to suggest that he buys them online. Many websites deliver condoms in discrete white envelopes and what could be less embarrassing than that.
“Condoms are far too expensive”
The partner who says this might actually have a point. Condoms are costly, but that neednt be the case. You could suggest splitting the cost, or even forgoing your usual Saturday night movie so that you can buy a box. However, if you dont want to make any sacrifices, why not suggest a trip to the local family planning clinic where you can stock up on all the condoms you need for free. Its worth remembering that whilst condoms are expensive theyre a lot cheaper than the cost of an STD test or an unplanned pregnancy.
“I cant feel anything with a condom on”
There are plenty of ways in which you can answer this popular excuse. One is simply by agreeing with him and stating that whilst he may not be able to feel as much theres no reason that this needs to be a bad thing. Explain that it allows him to concentrate on other areas of the body which may otherwise be neglected and creates for an all the more sensual experience. If this doesnt work you could try being a little more abrupt and explain that an infection doesnt feel so good either. However, the funniest retort weve heard to this petty excuse is “Honey, you wont feel anything unless youve got a condom on”.